The feeling of losing your mum in a store, is an all too familiar feeling shared by most.
I dreamt that I lost my mum and brother. You know that feeling you get when you’re frantically looking around the store crying for your mum? I woke up feeling that way. I dreamt that I was driven through the suburb I grew up in. Feeling dread as I was driven past old familiar places with the hope of finding them. The first place was the home I grew up in. It’s down a long shared driveway and you’d always know mum was home because she parked right outside on the grass or in front of the garage. I had a panic attack in my dream, I couldnt breathe and was crying. Where are they? There was no car and the house was boarded up. Dread. I then drove past a street, I looked down the road an saw mum’s car parked. She has a very distinctive car lol I wanted to get out and see if it was them, although I knew in my heart it was them. The driver wouldn’t let me out. He reminded me of a rude bus driver. I thought “fuck this. Fuck you!” So I opened the door and rolled out of the moving car. I got up unscathed (only in dream land) and made my way there.
They were there! In a small apartment that seemed safe and locked away from the outside world. Mum told me she waited for me, in two different locations that must have been significant some how. She was crying and so was I.
She said something before I woke up that felt significant. I can’t remember it though but I remember feeling loved. I think she was scared because she couldn’t find me in these two seemingly significant places.
I woke up crying. I hate the feeling of pure dread when I wake up from a bad dream.
I often worry about what I will do, how I will manage in life without her. I’m not ready for the real world and she is my biggest pillar. Like the structural integrity of a bridge.
I lost my dad at 21. I can live life without him though, he was never around. My mum thinks she’s living on borrowed time, that scares me. Her dad died when she was 20, almost the same age as me too.
I can’t stop crying now.
I don’t want to live without my mum.