I’ve come to accept the fact that my mental health or there lack of, is part of me.
Pain and suffering is subjective. We all have different pain thresholds whether it be physical or emotional.
When I think about my anxiety I think..
Am I good enough?
Am I doing enough?
Will I fail?
Will I disappoint this person?
Will I upset this person?
I think of all these negative outcomes and I convince myself they’re more probable than otherwise.
Sitting at my desk in class I want to cry.
I understand the content.
I know what to do.
Yet I want to cry.
My anxiety has now morphed into depression.
I just went to get the extension cord out of the cupboard to plug in the dryer. It wasn’t in there yet I stood there anyway. I looked at the dark space at the bottom of the cupboard and thought “I wanna sit under there, close the door, sit in the dark and cry”. So I did, but in a bigger cupboard lol
I moved things out of the way, climbed in, shut the door, sat in the dark and I cried. When I opened the door I said to myself “okay, enough of that for now” and here I am. Blogging about it.
I’m gunna go look for that cord now so I can dry the washing (not hang myself, yet the thought is kinda faint).
I’m so dramatic.
Prevent from functing in a normal way.”