Stunted

I started this post a couple months ago. I never finished it so here goes..

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Since high school I’ve noticed that every 6 months, I’d have… I guess a mental lapse. Back then it looked like an uninterested teenager. Looking back, I see the pattern. Every year I’d start out well. I’d get good grades. My concentration would slip though. I’d drop off after 4 months or so. Get behind in work and studying.. and then give up. The rest of the year would be spent skipping school, staying up late with my noisey mind and sleeping most days. When I did go though, I wouldn’t do any work unless it interested me, if I did I would still lose concentration and the will to try pretty fast.

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How appropriate that I should choose to finish this post now.

Full time study can be rough, depending on the circumstances. Draining. I know this myself, from past experiences.

I don’t feel like this will be the same as before. I’m really excited.

When I was studying to be a Nurse, I often found myself feeling out of place and disinterested.

“Why do you want to be a Nurse?”

I honestly did not know the answer. I still don’t know the answer to that.

“Why do you want to work in IT?”

I don’t have a specific answer to this. In comparison to the first one though, I can talk a lot more. There’s a seed here, that was never sowed in my nursing studies.

Interest? Fascinatination? The unknown?

I’ll admit I don’t know a heck of a lot. I will learn it though, and that excites me.

I know little bits and pieces but not a lot about those bits and pieces. It’s like a Jackson Pollock painting. Different splishes and splashes gliterred here and there, making a cohesive and colourful mess. Art can be interpreted in many ways, depending on how you decide to let yourself think about it. People can see that those tiny splashes are of paint. How is it that these blobs work so cohesively?

I totally got sidetracked just then lol

Anyway, I think.. I will do better this time. I will look at these splodges as a whole network. Being interested and fascinated is part of keeping my concentration. My own efforts will determine the rest.

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