Living and giving

I have a soft spot for those who live without the basics in life.

I have wordly things but what I lack is a healthy mind. I appreciate all the help I am given. Especially when I can’t give anything in return (least that’s how I feel).

I give money to homeless people. If I have coins in my bag, I’ll freely empty it all out for them. I try to use my judgement as best as I can. Give to those who’s auras are the most dim. Sometimes a needy person gives off an intimidating aura. I don’t feel as if I can do anything to help them.

I have never held a stable job. I’ve been on the benefit three times I’ve always lived at home. In today’s society we tell ourselves and each other that our earnings are of our own. If someone else didn’t earn their own then they aren’t entitled to any help. If you don’t have much then you shouldn’t share or give. Keep it to yourself because you need it all.

I’ve been told to stop helping people. When I worked at the airport I would attempt to try and help people who looked lost. If someone needed a lighter, I’d let them use mine. If someone had a heavy bag, I’d load it on to the bus even though I wasn’t going the same way. One day I saw a pair of parents with 3 kids. One infant and two toddlers. The infant in a carry thingy, two trolleys and one pushchair. Instinctively I couldn’t let them walk past. It was raining and so I helped them out. I don’t feel as if I had been disadvantaged. I did it because I wanted to.

I like to think my judgement compass isn’t too off. I’d say some times it is.  I’d assume sometimes it is. I’ve been told that if I help too much then I’ll be taken advantage of. Maybe so, it hasn’t happened yet, in terms of assisting strangers. That could be a possibility. Maybe I am helping some of the wrong people.

Today an island lady asked me for money. It took me three “pardons?” And one “I dont understand what you’re saying” to realise she was asking for money. I gave her my coins in my bag – probably equated to $1.80NZD. Then I walked off to have a smoke.

I thought to myself. I’ve been hired for a job. I have money in the bank. I can spare 5 dollars. So I went to the dairy, bought me an energy drink and got out the five dollars. As I walked back to the lady I had seen she had bought herself food. I gave her the five dollars. She looked slightly heartbroken as I walked away. I couldn’t understand her language so I nodded you’re welcome to her as I walked away.

Maybe I’m wrong for giving needy people my money and essentially my energy. But you know what? Fuck what society says about that stuff. I appreciate the small things people do to help me in my journey to a healthy mind. People smile at others as they go by, that costs energy.

I hope that lady has a warm place to sleep. Its winter in New Zealand.

I know I can’t help them all. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to help at all.

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