While I was sitting outside having a smoke I pondered, as I usually do.. about this journey. In my mind I imagined in this moment that I was trying to make my way down a steep but do-able decline. It’s dry dirt. Big rocks dislodging under me, that make me tumble down on my butt. My palms are getting dusty but its nothing I can’t wipe off onto my shirt or pants.
Life is literally a hike.
It has many paths.
Some leading into dark, bushy, overgrown pathways. It’s cold and uncomfortable. Unfamiliar and daunting. These dark paths often have a distinctive smell. Mossy, cold – almost like inhaling a menthol mouthwash. Sometimes it’s nice to get out of the sun. It can be a good place to stop on a hot day. It really depends on what you make of it. If you’re feeling lost it can become a very over whelming trek though.
Others leading into bright grassy clearings. Maybe you’re in the middle of the Bush. Perhaps your at the top of a hill. Sceneries always look best from up high. A good spot to take a step back, take a deep breath and put things into perspective.
The walk ways will often alternate between soft, slightly trodden grass. As if following behind another. Others a murky, muddy, dirty, tiring one. Others are laid out nicely. Even gravel. Soft underfoot. Making that lovely crunching noise and feeling you get when you’re out walking amongst those who are close to you.
I need to make sure I keep on top of getting my repeats for my prescriptions before I run out.
If I go a few days without them I initially feel the physical side effects. I get dizzy, tired, nauseous. It can feel like my brain is throbbing half a size bigger than my skull can handle. If a few days turns into a week I can feel myself becoming shakey.
I’m pretty glad I’m not into hard drugs or alcoholism. I don’t know if I could handle the withdrawals symptoms people get from going off of those.
When that passes, next comes the decline. Slowly I’ll feel myself struggling but managing to slide down the dry dirt, off beaten path that I mentioned earlier. From past experiences I know what lies at the bottom. I also know I can change my mind though. I don’t always do it but I know I can.
I often end up like Atreyu and Artax in the swamp of sadness.
I’ve been in that swamp so many times, like a lot of other people.
Today my soul feels weak and I feel myself slipping. I also feel like I have a rope tied around me though. I’m tethered to something at the top of the hill.
I think I’ll be okay.